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EXPERT VIEW - April Is The Cruelest Month
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29 April 2006
I used to teach English Literature at university no less in another life, and that line from The Wasteland once struck me as laughable. My apologies to T.S. Eliot who clearly knew what he was writing about, since this April has been a disastrous month, at least for me.
Now, I am a bad man and do many immoral, horrible things in my life. It only seems fair that like Job I should be visited by a shitstorm of terrible events, only that makes no sense because Job was actually a pious, good guy that Gawd punished just to prove a point to the Devil (namely that Job`s faith was in no way linked to the fact that he had a lot of good fortune in life, so in what might be termed a slight overreaction Gawd killed all of Job`s children, blighted his crops, came back to execute the livestock, and left him pretty much miserable*). So maybe my shocking month has more to do with Karma and Eastern religions than it does with Job.
I`ll tell you one thing though. Job might have been reduced to wearing sackcloth and wandering around in a what-the-hell-just-happened daze, but he was never stupid enough to go out and play poker when he knew that fortune was no longer smiling down and was in fact pissing all over him, and not in a way he enjoyed. But I`m not Job, so I decided it would be a good idea to turn my month around and go play some poker.
I don`t want to bore you with the dreary details of my horrible month. It`s been my time of month from April 1 through April 28. Suffice to say that the best moment was that my dog died, and the silver lining there was that I wasn`t in the country to have to see it happen in person.
The funniest moment was when I discovered that my credit card details were stolen and someone went on a spending spree in my name at a local supermarket where they managed to spend $2,500.00 in a single day. This also occurred while I was away, and it proved fiendishly difficult to convince the fraud department at the issuing bank that it wasn`t me even though I was on another continent at the time.
What happened to me tonight was the most frustrating moment, easily. I went to a local card room to play a little Bricks & Mortar poker. the logic goes like this: I have played terribly online all month long, and have lost a lot of money. This is only my second losing month online in the past two years of playing seriously, but it feels like I cannot play poker well anymore. So, let`s stop the rot and get back to best form by playing in a real-world game.
Stupid idea really. I played in a $8/$16 game with a full kill. Shouldn`t get into too much trouble that way, and besides it`s been at least 5 months since I`ve played any limit poker, so my amazing no-limit skills should stand me in excellent stead, right?
I played pretty well and was only down $150 after two quiet hours. I had very few big hands and none of my drawing hands were getting close. I wasn`t too fussed though. Then I was moved to the main table where there were a lot of maniacs. A tiny Asian woman was in a league of her own, an uber-manaic, popping every single bet with a re-raise and never laying down a hand.
We had a kill pot and I found myself in middle position looking down at AQ of hearts. Now bear in mind that this was the type of table where players three-bet Ax. It was a `live` table. I made it $48 to go (stakes were $16 / $32 for this hand) and promptly got two callers! Action to the little woman who makes it three bets. What could she have? Who cares, because two more players call after that and when I cap it at $80 pre-flop the other six players all call. There are seven of us still in the pot.
It`s mind-boggling but it all really happened this way. Can you imagine my happiness when the flop came 2h-7h-8h? I bet out at it and it went call-call-call-raise by the little woman- call-call and three-bet by me. At which point players start to fold. Then she caps it, and another player folds. I call merrily. The turn is a 9d. I bet out and she raises. There is one other player calling as well. I re-raise and this time she just calls. I am shaking my head visibly at this point.
The river is an 8s. She flips over the 7c-8c for a full house. I stand up and leave the remnants of my $500 on the table behind me.
Now, I really don`t mind losing with a nut-flush to a full house. It happens all the time. I mind that it was a seven-way pot capped on the first three rounds of betting. I mind that it was a kill pot. I mind that I flopped the nuts and got raised by someone holding two-pair. I also mind that it was the river that caught me. Couldn`t it have been the turn? Only a psychopathic higher power leaves it to the river...
The bad news is that it is only April 29 as I type this, so 48 hours still to go. What did Eliot have to say about May? Hopefully it will be a little sunnier, and remember that it is never to late to take up a gentler card game like Whist for instance.
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*For those of you unfamiliar with the whole Book of Job story, which is one of the better yarns spun in the Bible, our main character never loses his faith. It has a happy ending as well, since the Bible has no time for practical concerns. So, Job begets 25 new children to replace the 24 dead ones, gets more livestock and bigger crops, and lives to be 300 so he can enjoy it all. The Devil loses the wager and has to give The Big Guy $1 as agreed upon. No wait, that`s Trading Places, which was an even better yarn...
Posted by: Marc Weinberg at 22:22
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