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A Guide To Committing Felonies In Seattle
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Author: Marc
June 27 - Two years ago life in the state of Washington was good. A man could stay at his home and play online poker for real money without breaking a State law (Federal law is murkier, so much murkier).
Another man, probably one with fewer teeth and no computer, could drive his truck to a farm and indulge in a spot of bestiality with whatever livestock took his fancy - a horse, a sheep, a coquettish goat - and sodomize it safe in the knowledge that he too was also breaking no State law.
But that was so 2005. In 2006 the state of Washington cracked down on Seattle residents who obsessed about online poker and those other Seattle residents who obsessed about poking a lion.
The State senate passed bills making both online poker and bestiality Class C Felonies. They're now considered the equivalent crime in Seattle, both punishable by the same measures. They're also both unenforcable. Whew, that's good news for both groups - we should organize a joint BBQ or something; poker players can provide the meat and the bestiality dudes can provide the spit.
Fortunately there is no crack squad of lawmen who patrol farms in Enumclaw or homes in Medina listening for that tell-tale auditory clue: the tortured scream (in one case human, in the other lamb) following a bad beat.
The one law was passed after a Seattle man went to a farm, well known to bestiality fans, to ride a steed without actually climbing on its back. What do we call a farm like that? A horsehouse of course!
Then the horse got mad, kicked the guy in the stomach, and killed him. The man's parents must have been so proud. I would have gladly paid $10,000 to give that eulogy, as opposed to pissing it away in the WSOP.
This made the state of Washington a laughingstock, so they quickly drafted legislation to make this act a felony. There are still 13 states in the USA where it is not a crime.
Then the state of Washington caved in to pressure from tribal casinos and decided to pass more legislation, this time making online poker a crime, and restoring their status as the nation's laughingstock.
The bottom line is that you should continue to play online poker in the USA, even in Washington where it has been stigmatized by the law, because you are free to do what you want in America, and by "what" I mean bunny rabbits, and by "do" I mean do.
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> 2007 WSOP Main Event First Prize Is $8.25M
> WSOP Bracelets Won By Children
> Qualify For The WSOP Main Event For $1
> American Online Poker Rooms Keep Growing
> Online Poker Star Wins Mirage WPT Event
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